SHOULDA, WOULDA, COULDA - GOODBYE 2016
As 2017 begins and we close the chapter on 2016 I'm sure most people at some point find themselves reflecting on the year that has gone by. People dwell upon what they have achieved or not achieved, memorable trips they have taken, life events (good or bad) friendships that have been formed or in some cases ended, career moves and a whole spectrum of other things.
Some people may feel increasingly proud and happy of the year that has gone by ticking of bucket lists, achieving goals and reaching desired levels in their lives whilst others maybe disappointed and perhaps guilty that they haven't yet met certain standards and expectations they have set for themselves.
In 2017 I will be turning 30 which I'm aware is a huge milestone as I kiss goodbye to my 20's(which started off fast and furious, think sex, drugs & rock n roll) and ended with being married and being a stay at home mama to a baby girl.
I'm sure I'm not the only one who places huge expectations upon myself and I common phrase I often speak out loud when I'm not in the best of states is 'That I should have figured my sh*t out by my age'. We do this when we tell ourselves a story that we should be better than we are especially when we hit a particular milestone.
It's no different to those who may tell themselves that they should be married by the age of 30 with two children, or that by the end of your 20's you should be onto a good career path and know where your heading. Both of which are dumb and stupid. I'm just going to be frank.
Where do these expectations and standards come from? More so than often the way we have been raised and also from society.
The expectations which have consciously or subconsciously been passed down from our own parents due to their own wants and desires for us which often results in you placing your own needs aside whilst you try to live up to the standard of the people close by to you.
And then when you hit a milestone you're left disheartened when you haven't got what you think you should have and you are left comparing yourself to those around you wondering why you're not there yet?
As I focus on 2017 I'm making myself a promise to not measure up against the worlds standards or my friends and family whilst I continue on a path of self-development, to be more awakened, to live more consciously and to always be connected to my authentic self.
The moment you say, 'Shoulda, woulda, coulda' is the moment you disconnect from yourself and you connect to the worlds ideals.
You find yourself comparing more, striving for things you don't really want such as a job promotion which is going to keep you enslaved for 60+ hours a week because you know your family will be proud of your career status and your so deeply connected to the identity it gives you that you don't really know the real you is behind your job title.
Or perhaps you are single in your late twenties and throwing yourselves on a string of dates in the quest to find the 'one' because you have created a story in your mind and told yourself you 'should be settled down by now'. In doing so you set yourself up for failure as you seek 'marriage material only' and disregard people from the first interaction by judgements and expectations that you hold so close to yourself.
Whether it's careers, relationships, finances or health goals, I pray that as you go into 2017 you vow to be kinder to yourself. That you let go of standards, ideals and expectations and allow yourself to just be. Shift your energy elsewhere, be present, be deeply grateful, gain a new level of awareness, be more attuned to yourself and your real wants and needs opposed to cultural standards and norms. Get to know yourself better than you could ever know someone and form a healthy relationship with yourself.
Stop telling yourself you 'Should be better, you should have made it by now, you should have a family, you should own a house' and take a moment to recognize what you do have.
I pray you have a blessed 2017
with love from my family to yours